The
books. Jirí Says, "You cannot even
begin to know who is the real Jirí Cêch™ until
you own these books. Welcome to the madhouse, sweetmeat."
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Whither - First Edition
$10
SORRY! THIS EDITION
SOLD OUT! Whither
poems of exile, by Jirí Cęch. First Edition. Wonderfully experimental, as each
poem is written in 10 minutes or less while Jirí sits on the toilet. Winner
of the Mennstrausse Award. Autographed by the real Jirí Cęch™
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Whither - Second Edition
$10
Whither - poems of
exile, by Jirí Cęch.
Second Edition. Wonderfully experimental, as each poem is written in 10
minutes or less while Jirí sits
on the toilet. Winner of the Mennstrausse Award. Autographed by the real
Jirí Cęch™
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When the bluebird
$25
When
the bluebird of happiness shits on your armpit, by that crazy S.O.B. Jirí. Full
color, bound collection of Jirí Cęch's art therapy drawings in response
to real rejections from real poetry journals. Complete with Jirí's
hilarious, complaining letters written to the editors.
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The Jirí Chronicles
LTD
$125
The
Jirí Chronicles
Fictions, by Debra Di Blasi. Limited edition of 50 hand-made
books, with DVD and a cursing Jirí Cęch baby doll. Four-color version of the
short stories originally published in The Jirí Chronicles & Other
Fictions (FC2 BooksUniversity of Alabama Press)
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Comes Life
$30
Comes
Life - a poetic war chronicle. Autographed
first edition! 60 pages of war, sex and an Old Testament God chronicling
events from September
11, 2001, to the current wars in Afghanistan and Iraq through poetic voices
ranging from God and the Adversary, to the widowed and deserted, to soldiers,
politicians
and nameless casualties of combat. Poems are excavated from books of the Old
Testament and reshaped to reflect the sometimes brutal, sometimes sumptuous
emotions of people affected by current events. Cęch's vision of war and its
consequences are unrelenting and unrepentant. Each chapter is shot with a different
deadly
weapon!
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Comes Life LTD Edition
$2,500
Limited Edition of 40! Each book cover is individually shot, then gift-wrapped with original smooshed bullet. Inside same as regular first edition.
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Real Fine
Art. Drawings and
posters by the real Jirí Cêch™ will
make you wonder why in hell National Endowment for the Arts doesn't
give away more taxpayers'
money.
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Fine Art - Ashcroft
$27,000
Me and John Ashcroft Go Way
Back, by Jirí Cęch. Original
one-of-a-kind art therapy drawing. 24 x 32. Crayons on paper. 2004. Signed
by the artist. (unframed)
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Dachau Poster
$35
O My Dachau Darling (what'd
you eat today?) 11 x 17 concert poster featuring the real Jirí Cęch™ and the Finnish death metal band, Pyuria. From the book, The
Jirí Chronicles & Other
Fictions, by Debra Di Blasi.
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SUV Poster
$35
I drive an SUV so that when I speed through a red
light and kill the family of three driving the Toyota Camry, I walk away
with only minor scratches.
Yipee! 11 x 17 color poster. Signed by the real Jirí Cęch™
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Bloodsucking Poster
$35
Bloodsucking (it's not a personality disorder)
it's a way of life. 11 x 17 poster signed by the real Jirí Cęch™
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Autobiographical
Postcards. Discover intimate and often
unseemly details from Jirí Cêch's fabulously fascinating life through
postcards from his private photo collection. Must-haves for collectors
of The Jirí Chronicles.
Jirí
Says, "Collect every damn one and make me richer than I already am
as an
incredibly successful real estate
developer responsible for suburban sprawl!"
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Postcards Set 1
$10
SET
1 - And God Made Jirí Inscrutable first sentences (left
to right, top to bottom)...
•"My
mother thought I was the Second Coming..."
• "My
father wanted me to be a paratrooper so he threw me out of a three-story
window...."
•"My
favorite blue-eyed horse, Aryan Nation Velvet...."
•"This
is a photo of my first car. I stole it from a Turkish drug dealer...."
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Postcards Set 2
$10
Set 2 - My father played chess with Nazis.
Inscrutable first sentences (left to right, top to bottom)...
• "Adolf
Hitler demonstrates (on my patsy father) how to disable a paratrooper..."
• "This
is my father
with his pet monkey,
Bling-Bling...."
• "As a reward for his stupid pro-Nazi stance during WWII..."
•" That's my crazy Nazi-loving Czech father on the riverbank..."
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Postcards Set 3
$10
Set 3 - You can run, yes...but hide, nyet!
Inscrutable first sentences (left to right, top to bottom)...
•"I took this
picture in the Alps, almost having reached the refugee camp...."
•"I cut my way through this jungle with a rusty machete...."
• "My crazy Czech father used me as target practice..."
•"I had to cross this fucking desert to get to Switzerland...".
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Postcards Set 4
$10
Set 4 - I am a walrus, koo-koo-ah-choo!
Inscrutable first sentences (left to right, top to bottom)...
•"Until the age of
12, I thought these two walruses were my brothers...."
•"This is my grandmother shortly after she was hit in the head with a very
ripe tomato..."
•"Here's the old homestead...."
•"This is a fine etching of my father in 1939 by Pablo Picasso's lesser-known
brother, Bob...."
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Postcards Set 5
$10
Set 4 - I am a walrus, koo-koo-ah-choo!
Inscrutable
first sentences (left to right, top to bottom)...
•"Here's
my father testing the Nazi's new Flame-proof Parachute™...."
•"Here's
my father falling like a fucking rock..."
•"Like
I said on the back of another postcard..."
•"Here's
my father testing the Nazi's new Parachute with Built-in Flotation Device™..."
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Postcards Set 6
$10
Set 4 - I am a walrus, koo-koo-ah-choo!
Inscrutable first sentences (left to right, top to bottom)...
•"My beautiful sister,
with the Nüsle
Bridge in the background..."
•"Ah, youth! Here is me nude on a nude beach..."
•"My family used to be the biggest goat ranchers in Czechoslovakia...."
•"This is a photo of my horny Uncle Jaroslav and a girlfriend thirty-five
years his junior...."
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Other
Crap. Where
there's a market, Jirí Cêch will be there will products manufactured in
capitalist USA.
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Jewelry - Garlic Pendant
$20
REAL Dessicated Garlic Pendant
strung on dental floss! Keep those damned bloodsuckers away! (Sorry, no garlic pendants shipped outside of USA)
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Autographed Gravel
$15
You think it's easy signing
rocks?!? Very white gravel from one of Jirí’s
suburban
sprawl
construction
sites, signed
and numbered. Gift boxed! (one piece per box)
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Pilsner Bag
$20
Real brown paper bag for
drinking Pilsner beer in public! (C’mon! You know you need it!) TEXT - “This
bag contains no Pilsner”
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